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| Friday, May 1st, 2009 | | 10:31 am |
| | Monday, November 17th, 2008 | | 9:46 am |
Issues: Enumeration
1. First and foremost is the distortion issue, and accompanying lack of apologies. 2. Equivalency - I don't care what the rules are, I just want the same ones for both. I do not have that. 3. Victimhood - every time she's feeling hurt, every word or action becomes an attack. Makes communication impossible. 4. Intent - misreads my intent, and even if I explain what I was really feeling/thinking/saying, original perception set in stone (and conversely, if I misunderstand then it's my fault and no sympathy). | | Sunday, November 16th, 2008 | | 12:38 pm |
for Janis tomorrow
Consider my reality: tried other steps. Desperate. No validation. No repair feelings not only don't matter, don't exist. Damage "did not occur". No acknowledgement. Every major fight had this at core. Why? Past events keeps shifting. Bottom line my damage not only not repaired, butdoes not exist. Not acknowledged. Consequences: 1. Affects my mood and sense of well being. 2. Makesme feel like my feelings are of no consequence 3. Seriously impairs my ability to repair the damage that I do. Acknowledgement Missed "so many times" in office visit Cause last threat No repair my damage Intent - no acceptance Victim Mode Job Thank you Birthday "What are you doing?" "Making the bed." Parking space: "Don't get all pissy about it." | | Monday, July 17th, 2006 | | 2:16 pm |
"stop doing this shit and it's over"
I love it when a politican can speak without bullshit. Reagan was great at it, and they hated him for it. Remember the "Evil Empire" speech? No one disputed that the Soviet Union was an empire. And no one with any credibility disputed that its actions were evil. But it just wasn't nice to speak like that!So now we have George calling it like he sees it. The full quote was, "the irony is what they need to do is get Syria to get Hizbollah to stop doing this shit and it's over." If he said that in a prime-time address to the nation, his poll ratings would skyrocket. And he's absolutely right. Israel isn't punishing Lebanon to get her soldiers back. Despite what they say, they will deal with a prisoner exchange when the time is right. Israel is establishing a deterrent, so that this doesn't become a new tactic by Hamas and Hezbollah, to sortie into Israel with the intent of taking hostages. Some of us remember what that was like, waaay back in 1979 with Iran. The entire world is asking if Israel is overreacting, or else they want to send in envoys to meadiate a cease-fire. But the real answer is, Hezbollah gets support from Iran via Syria, and if Syria can be persuaded that it's in her interest to shut off the resupply tap, then the current cycle ends right away. The fallacy in the Mideast is that no one acts rationally. The reality is, they have different rationales from ours which we don't understand. Years ago, a dovish Israeli politician named Meron Benviniste said that Israelis and Palestinians are 'intimate enemies', who speak to each other in a language of symbols which no one else understands, but which they understand perfectly. And that's what's going on right now. | | Wednesday, July 12th, 2006 | | 2:15 pm |
| | Monday, July 10th, 2006 | | 11:34 am |
I posted this in a friend's journal in response to a question about disciplining children. Maybe it'll do some good for someone else: Spanking is the nuclear weapon of parenting. Using it really doesn't do anyone much good, but if they know that the threat is real, it gets their attention.
Basically it comes down to taking away something that they care about - a privilege, money, etc. It sucks to do that, the worst thing is to do something that makes your child unhappy, but in the long run it's best.
Here's a story from my life that'll keep you from caving:
When my older son was in his early teens, he had a mouth like you wouldn't believe. If you said, "say one more word and I'll take away your allowance for a year," he still couldn't stop himself from saying something stupid and offensive. So the battle raged sometimes. And I was as stubborn as he was.
When he was about 17, he was watching his spoiled friends relate to their parents. I think he was shocked at how disrespectful they were, and the fact that the parents let them get away with it. So at dinner that night, he was talking about it - it really turned him off, made him lose respect for his friends AND their parents - and he said, "Dad, thanks for teaching me to be respectful. I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I'm glad I'm not like that now." | | Wednesday, July 5th, 2006 | | 5:56 pm |
| | Monday, June 19th, 2006 | | 10:23 pm |
Pregnant
Wow, two of my friends are pregnant at the same time! I have 4 very close female friends, all of whom I adore. All are married to great guys, and they're eerily similar in some ways: brown hair, brown eyes, dark/olive complections, thin and very pretty, and all similar personality types. (Confident, intelligent, warm, outgoing...type A's). Funny thing is, I really didn't pursue any of them, we all became friends through various random ways. Or maybe I'm fooling myself and it's a reflection of the type of women I like. Anyway. The two youngest are pregnant - I found out about N. when I was in So Cal, we had dinner and she was complaining about the second-hand smoke (outside in the restaurant's garden) and I laughed and said, "Why, are you pregnant?" She looked at me and smiled and said, "Yes." Then just today, I got an email from L., she's had fertility issues and had some frozen embryos banked but that's always risky and has a low success rate. But she said that she just got confirmation yesterday. So prayers for these 2 wonderful women, their great husbands, and their older children. All of whom are terrific friends. And since things often happen in threes...a little prayer for another friend out there, you know who you are. | | Wednesday, June 7th, 2006 | | 11:31 am |
Ripped off from everyone:
Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me -- it can only be one word long. Then copy and paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you. | | Wednesday, May 24th, 2006 | | 2:16 pm |
Back to back travel sucks.
So I just got back from D.C., work has piled up, and I have a cold. I feel like shit and it makes it concentrate on the backlog of work. So of course it feels like I have not time for anything. And I have to leave midday Friday again to go bicoastal or bipolar or whatever (my son's college graduation). Not looking forward to the flying. Or the workload when I get back, for that matter. Oh and the doctor's office? They're completely booked today/tomorrow, so I'll have to beg for antibiotics over the phone tomorrow.</whine> | | Saturday, May 13th, 2006 | | 10:42 am |
I had so much fun last night. Most of my friends want to stay on the Eastside, so it's kind of a treat when I can talk them into hanging out downtown on a Friday night. But the Eastside was pretty dead, and I volunteered to drive. We got to Twist, a pretty cool bar, and met up there. Looking around there was a table with two drag queens there who looked like they could've played tackle for the NFL. Maybe only for a crappy team like the Patriots, but still ;) We're sitting in this cramped booth, 4 guys, and at the next table there are 3 Japanese giggling tipsy girls. One of them hands a camera to my friend and mimes taking a picture. He stands up and I yell, "Jeff! Jeff! Wait!!!" He looks at me with a puzzled look on his face and I say, "Take a picture of us, then give them back the camera and say 'thank you'!!!" So he does. We're just pissing ourselves laughing, and the girls have this deer-in-the-headlights look and don't know what to do. So he gets back up and takes their picture and they're happy. Then I heard from this gal I ran into the week before, used to be a trainer at the gym I worked out at. She's beautiful and friendly, but very young. Anyway, she was with a friend so we told them to come by. We all squeezed into this tiny booth, 6 of us where there's room for 3 or so, and joking around. It's clear to me from the minute I see her that I'm in the 'friends' category, but I don't care, I go out to have fun, and we did. It's also nice hanging out with beautiful women. They stayed about a half hour or so then went to dance at some club. Soon as they leave, Rich spots a woman who looks familiar (turns out there's a bday party there with about 10 women, 2 of whom know him). She comes over and looks at him and asks, "Is your name Scott?" He hesitates, so Todd and I both yell out, "Yes! Sit down!" Everyone laughs and she sits down, he tells her his name and they actually know each other. She sits for a few minutes, then gets up with Rich to see the other people there. Afterwards, this other gal sits down, she's a friend of Rich's. She's very pretty but sort of straight-laced. Which to me is sort of raw meat, in the "let's fuck with someone" category. So it turns out she teaches cheerleading at a high school, and the guys have fun with that for a while. The convo ebbs and I ask her what else she teaches. She frowns and hesitates and avoids the answer. Now I know I'm onto something so I'm grinning and prodding her, finally she says, "health." "You mean like, sex education?" *nods* "Like, STD's, birth control, yadda yadda yadda?" "Mmm-hmmm." "Okay, so do you guys do that thing when you unwrap a condom and stretch it over a banana to demonstrate how it works?" "No. [resigned look on her face] We have a model." Now I'm really having fun so I go to the other side of the booth so I'm sitting next to her. And we make her describe the model, she's annoyed but we're being funny so she's trying not to crack up. She's used to keeping peurile immature boys in their place so she feels right at home. Me, I'm on a mission to get her to lose her composure. So whatever we say to try to shock her, she grins but doesn't laugh. It's a contest and I'm too competitive. Todd says, "So do they ask a lot of questions?" And she says yes, they ask really stupid questions but everyone's glad because they secretly don't know. Then I say to Todd, well, it's like all those questions you're always asking me. She looks at me, grinning, and says, "Like what?" So I say, "You know, like when you asked me if you can get pregnant from anal sex? And I told you, 'of course, where do you think lawyers come from?'" She falls over laughing. Game, set, match. I win. | | Wednesday, May 10th, 2006 | | 10:09 am |
I have a tradition with my kids, whenever they've had major life events (eg, Bar/Bat Mitzvah's, graduation, etc) I've written a very personal letter to them, which - I hope - they'll keep and look at long after I'm gone, so that they can remember me as well as their lives when they were young. My older son graduates this month from Cornell. I have to work on something very good for him. I'll start it with these memories of his childhood. ( Below the cut ) | | 8:25 am |
Italiano
The following conversation took place yesterday, in Italian, with my tutor: Valentina: "I don't understand something about your universities, what is the deal with fraternities and sororities?" Me: "In some universities students live, eat, and sleep there. In others they are like clubs." Valentina: "So what's the difference between a fraternity and a sorority? Can boys be in either one?" Me: *pause* "Um. Fraternities are for men. *pause* You know, like 'fratello' [brother in Italian]? And sororities are for women. Like 'sorella' [sister in Italian]?" Valentina: *laughing* "Oh, dio mio, quale idiota, sono stupida!" | | Sunday, May 7th, 2006 | | 6:38 pm |
Yesterday I'm at home, getting ready to go out, and my phone rings. I look at the number, and it's the second line at my mother's house, the one she never uses. Thinking, "this is odd," I pick it up and I hear my brother's voice saying, "...she lives at [her address], please send an ambulance or call 911..." So I'm freaked. I figure he's on line 2 calling the EMT's and has me on the other line to get hold of me. I keep shouting his name to get his attention, but he just goes on in this calm voice. Now I'm really worried so I call his cell phone. He says, "Oh, I got the same call. It's her panic button, I recorded the message on it." (Oh, thanks a fuck of a lot, older brother, for LETTING ME KNOW THAT I GET A CALL WHEN SHE SETS OFF THE FUCKING ALARM.)So he says he's called her house but she doesn't pick up. "Did you call her cell phone?" "No, I don't have the number." *shakes head and passes hand over eyes. Strives to speak without sarcasm.* "Okay, I'll call her cell and call you back." Call the cell. Not on. Call the home number. "Oh, darling the EMT's are here, call me back in 15 minutes, okay? Thanks." "But Mom, what's..." Too late, she hung up. So I call back, she picks up. "Oh, your brother set up this alarm for me, and I guess I pressed the panic button by accident. So I called the number to cancel, but it's only office hours during the week. That doesn't help me during the weekend! Anyway, I'm fine. Were you worried?" "Um, yeah Mom, a little. But I'm glad you're okay." So I call my brother. "Oh, there are two buttons on the device. One is the panic button and one cancels. I showed her how to use it. I guess she forgot." Yeah, I fucking guess so. Our family has great communication, don't they? | | 4:58 pm |
| | Saturday, May 6th, 2006 | | 12:52 am |
Feliz Cinco de Mayo!
What a fun evening. My friends picked me up around 4:30 (after I called my daughter at BU: "Hey! You drunk yet?!!" "Not yet Dad *laughs* - but I'll call you later." "Yeah, that's just what I need - a drunk call from my daughter at 3 AM!!!") We went to a cool bar DT Seattle, met some people we know, hanging around and I bought shots for a few buds and we were feeling no pain. Then, ex-GF walks in with a (female) friend. I walk up with a big smile to say hello, she gives me a hug, no dramas. Nice to see her. Later she comes over when she's had a couple of drinks and kisses me on the lips and says, "I just wanted to tell you, you look really good." I smile and tell her she does too, and that I've missed her, just as a friend. I think that's called "validation" and it felt good. I visited with her a little bit on and off, then her sister and sister's BF came by and I talked to them a little too. Later I hung with my friends, I lost track but I think I had 4 shots of TQ and about 5 beers...I'm seriously fucked up right now but really had a fantstic time with my friends. We went to some piece-a-shit bar later when things wound down at the place we were at, and saw some fight outside. some drunken bitch was yelling at the secureity guys, then yelling at some dickhead in line, he steps out of line and hits her (!), she kicks him, some guys jump him, pull his shoirt off, the drunk girl is kicking him while he's down, securit is like "yeah, whatever" and doing nothing. I drag my buddies back in case there's gunplay or whatever...fucking drama queens. Perfect end to a pretty cool evening. Now I'm gooing to sleep, proba bly wake up hung over but c'est la vie... night-night boys and girls... xo | | Wednesday, April 26th, 2006 | | 9:35 pm |
"You were supposed to kick his ass, not lick his butthole, Stan!"I love Southpark. | | 10:53 am |
This is cute.
My ex called me today and said that our youngest, who is autistic and nonverbal, used to get mad when she was with him and speaking on her cell phone. So she tells him yesterday, "I'm talking to your sister. Do you want to say hi?" And he took the phone and listened, instead of pushing it away, while she spoke to him. The next day, he picks up her cell phone and hands it to her. "Do you want to talk to your sister?" *nods his head* "Okay." So she calls his sister, gets VM, and tells him to say hello. Basically all he can say is "Ah." One short syllable. So when it starts recording, she says "Your brother wants to say hello," and hands him the phone. He says, "Ah." and listens for a moment, then hands the phone back. My daughter (who adores her little brother) called her, laughing, and says, "That's the best message I've ever gotten!" | | Monday, April 24th, 2006 | | 9:38 pm |
Life is funny. I've been a little out of sorts now and again since I called it off with ex-gf. Not because of her so much, but as I mentioned, because of the whole back-at-square-one thing. Anyway. Last week I met someone very attractive (both looks and personality-wise), the roommate of an acquaintance. She has a BF but was flirting with me, said she'd be out with friends on Friday and, since I was going out with buddies, I asked for her number and said we'd meet up. Well, I called too late and she didn't pick up, so I figured that was that, and no big deal. Today she "coincidentally" shows up at my gym at the time I told her I work out, and apologized for not seeing me then, and makes sort-of arrangements to see me when she's out with her girlfriends. I intimate that I'm interested in meeting her girlfriends, which is true. But I'm curious as to what she's thinking. Don't worry, I'm not getting involved with someone who's already involved with someone else. But it's flattering to the ego, and I truly am curious to see what she's after. AND I think she has hot friends. Today, I got a call from someone I used to see back in December. Things didn't work out because she was hung up on a LTR that just ended, so I said that we can't see each other if she's still not over him. We did not become 'intimate'. We parted as friends, I emailed her once and she didn't reply, then we traded text messages about a month ago. I'm figuring that if we do see each other, "that" part is way over and we're buddies. That's what I'm thinking. So I pick up the phone, we talk and kid around a little, and she asks if I want to get together for drinks this weekend. I say I can't, and how about next week? We agree to talk later in the week. The conversation is winding down, when she says, "I want to ask you something, I know this is out of the blue but...I want to go t oMiami, do you want to go with me?" To say I'm stunned is an understatement. I just sort of laugh and say, "Well, that's kind of a shock!" and say, let's talk about it when we have drinks. That came totally out of nowhere, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. She's attractive, but I have no emotional involvement. If that's where this is coming from on her part, then of course I have to make myself clear and that will be that. Fucking weird. | | Thursday, April 20th, 2006 | | 4:55 pm |
More catching up: My daughter's visit
My daughter and I are really close. We're exactly alike in our natures, and have gotten along well all of our lives. She's close to her mom, but she's daddy's girl just because we're so alike. Her mother has a temper, and sometimes will speak harshly to her, and at those times she's come to me to vent and for sympathy. On the other hand, on those very rare occasions when I've raised my voice to her (not recently), she is absolutely shattered; so of course I've apologized and felt like a serial killer. Traits we share include sensitivity to others, and the ability to notice things that most people overlook. She's also possibly the most emotionally intelligent person I've ever known, despite being only 18 years old. I explained to her years ago that it's a blessing and a curse; that it means she'll enjoy and experience things that others don't know exist, and the depths of love and friendship will greatly exceed what most people are aware of. But it also means that she will feel negative things, whether those she experiences or those her loved ones experience, to a greater degree than she would ever wish. Like most things in our lives, our greatest strengths are also our weaknesses. And our weaknesses, our strengths. ANYWAY. She got back last week from school, same visit as her brother. (Both of them stayed with their mother, since she has the house and I'm in a little apartment.) She's close to her mother as well, and they spent a lot of time together. I got to take her out to a late dinner on Saturday, prior to her redeye, so we went to the same place where I took my son for a drink the night before. We had a light dinner, then we had a couple of drinks in the club with my friends (no, she's not 21...yes, I know...) A few weeks ago, I had some minor dental work done, put some bonding over a tooth that was a little small and had a slight gap that always made me feel self-conscious. My dentist, a good friend, suggested it and said, "No one will notice; people will just think you look a little better but not know why." I said, "My daughter will notice." So during dinner, while we're talking, she all of a sudden looks at me and says, "Dad, did you do something to your teeth? Did you have a cap put on that one?" I laughed and gave her a hug and told her the story and said, "I love my daughter!" She laughed and said, "Oh, that makes me feel so good that I noticed that!" When my friends showed up, she looked at them for about five minutes and said, "Okay. That guy is really into the girl he's hanging around with. She likes him, but isn't into him and he should give up. That other girl likes you. This other guy is really nice and I like him, but he has to act more confident." Basically she nailed everything right on the head that it took me a while to figure out. I could tell it was disconcerting for my friends because a) they don't have kids and it's hard to grok me having a kid who's nearly an adult, and b) they knew that she's only 18 and expected to patronize her, but kept relating to her like she was their age. Afterwards she said, "Dad, I just hope you know that your friends are totally a bunch of frat boys." I grinned and said, "Yeah, what's your point?" On the drive to the airport, we spoke seriously. I told her that I made a mistake by introducing (ex)GF to her so soon, and hoped she wasn't weirded out by that. She said no, that her mother was putting words into her mouth and she wants to meet the women I date, whether it's something serious (I thought it was!) or not. That she wants to make sure I'm happy and that things go well for me. And that she sort of wants to keep an eye on them to make sure they're good people. Her older brother, a brashly confident, handsome ivy-leaguer who has tons of friends and a great career ahead of him, looks up to her for her balance, her understanding, and her serenity. (She of course absolutely adores him and has since being a child). His emotional growth has been rapid of late, but about right for his age. Last year I told him, both of my kids became adults this year and he laughed and said I was right. This is a wonderful time in my life, vis-a-vis my children. They're mature, fun, loving, and full of life and hope. I'm so proud of them, and they give me incredible joy. |
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